Personal redemption…what is it to you, and how will it help you move on with your life? I have been thinking about this for some time. After all the abuse that goes back to my teenage years until 8 years ago and how much it caused a disconnect. I have been trying to find myself through all of this, and it has probably been the most challenging thing to do. I have tried to erase painful memories from my mind thinking that was the healthiest way to fix me. But that’s definitely not the best way. Then I met someone who has been so loving, patient, and supportive. That has been a comfort throughout this journey. But I decided to return and get my associate’s degree, and I felt incredible and inspired. So I kept going on to my bachelor’s degree, and now I’m about 6 months away from graduating, and the feeling is incredible to me. So I decided to look up options for my master’s degree and found I can do a direct entry for nursing. And I knew then that I could finish school in 2 years, and I would meet my goals. Then I can help other women, which I have always wanted to do. Recently, I stumbled upon an opportunity to volunteer to help others when I can. It seems so serendipitous that I started to find my way simultaneously. I have always wanted to make a difference and help others.
I have not changed or added any relevant content for some time. I had to make some choices and chain my education, which made me unhappy. Because I have worked hard to have as much peace in my life after everything I have been through, I had to drop my intended major so others would be happy. I can still do law school, but it will be put last. I just went back to the health science major I originally began with. I have been trying to care for so much on my own for about 25 years. I assumed responsibility when others just decided they would not help. So, eventually, I will get to have a life. It’s usually the daughter that takes care of things and takes on the stress and responsibility of caring for sick family members.
I know this is not a new article yet, but I am taking two extra classes and have almost finished one of the classes in a week. Plus, I am working on my Anthropology class work. Exhausted doesn’t even begin to describe what I am feeling right now. I am trying to finish my bachelor’s degree as quickly as possible, and it’s a lot of work. Plus, I am trying to help my parents with things as best as possible. But I am just one person, and it is challenging to care for anyone with stage 4 cancer. Especially when you have another parent who is disabled. I don’t have help from anyone else, either. I should, but I don’t know if you understand what I am saying. But sometimes it doesn’t work the way you need it to. Sometimes, others’ perceptions of reality differ from what they were and were long ago. I have no hate towards anyone. I’m too tired for that type of thing. I just let go of everything and walked away from a lot. I have given others a second chance because they were such a massive part of my life that I felt a hole in my heart without them around.
I think once my mom’s cancer spread I started to look at things and life a lot differently. I became a little bit more forgiving about some things but I became more depressed too. I realized that I had to rescue her because Dad couldn’t do it like before and nobody was lining up for the job. My mom has tried to help others out but the favor wasn’t returned. I became more protective of her. I became that way over someone else, too. But I tried to say something to protect them, and I was in the wrong. I was shunned, and I was always there for them. I decided to no longer protect them and walk away. I have been in a romantic relationship where I built him back up, and he repaid me by cheating and being abusive. I am in a relationship now that isn’t ideal. I hope for some changes because I can’t stay in a long-distance relationship much longer…
For anyone who has been to the site lately, you may have noticed that I have not put out anything new. I am taking four classes right now. I am almost done with one of those classes, but I have been doing nothing but schoolwork, and today, I had to take a break. I have been thinking about what I want to do for new content here. So please check back in, and I will put a form to subscribe to updates here, too.
I have two terms left,, and I will have my bachelor’s degree in Public Health. I never thought I would be able to do this. The classes are challenging, and I have refused to give up, though I have been encouraged to do so. But I am far from done with school. My next step is to get my Juris Doctor, which takes 3 years. I go full-time, and I have to pass the bar. Yikes!! However, a public health degree is hard, so I think I can do it, too. I want to help women and domestic violence and other things. I want to be able to do something good in this world. I would love to open a nonprofit one day for women who need a safe place to go when they are in danger from a spouse or partner. Keeping them safe and helping them get out of alone would be great. Soon the next chapter is going to begin in my life…
For some people who read this they already know everything about me. So this post may be a bit boring. Something might be a little surprising. One thing I never discuss is David. He is off limits because I am selective on who I share my really personal life with. So don’t expect that on here. Anyway, I am coming up on the end of another exciting term. I have compiled one of my final projects. I had gotten one assignment behind in each class which I try not to let myself do. My advisor reached out to both of my advisors. And in my personal life I am very open about my health but in other areas I am private about it. I shared information with my advisor and I didn’t expect her to share it with my professors because I didn’t share it with them. So I got an extension for both assignments. University policy is a 10% reduction in grade on the assignment. But I received no deduction on one of those assignments. I couldn’t help but wonder why. She did the opposite of policy. I know my paper wasn’t that riveting lol. But I am not going to question her and take the A. Getting my bachelor’s in public health is probably one of the hardest things I have ever done. I take the little victories when and where I can.